Since I heard the news of Kristie’s passing yesterday morning, I haven’t stopped thinking about her and her precious family. Kristie left to go home to the arms of Jesus around 1:45am on December 30th. Her husband Russell and sons, Jackson and Wyatt, were her greatest loves. 

Kristie battled breast cancer this year and the chemotherapy (chemo) severely damaged her lungs. Last week she was transferred to Memphis for additional lung therapy. She was put on a ventilator during the treatment to allow her body to rest and heal. During this time God decided to bring this angel home. 

I have known Kristie for over a decade now. We were not close friends but we parented alongside one another at International Studies (IS). Her boys are around my girls’ ages. There is nothing anyone can say bad about Kristie. She always had a smile on her face and was eager to serve others. We volunteered together at IS for years and she had a servant’s heart. She worked at First Baptist Church (FBC) in downtown Jonesboro for over a decade where she was the Children’s Minister first but most recently she was the Missions and Community Outreach Pastor. She also volunteered for neighbors in need at the FBC Care Center and led numerous mission trips and Bible Schools at the church. 

The last few times I saw Kristie she had lost her hair and either had on a wig or a wrap or a hat. She ALWAYS had that gorgeous smile, even through the most difficult and painful parts of the chemo treatments. The chemo left her weak and tired but she always showed up anyway. 

She told me she felt poorly but yet there she was, at school walk up to get Wyatt, at PTA meetings, at the JHS Homecoming parade, just to name a few of the last times I had the privilege to interact with her. Women like Kristie inspire me to be a better person. I pray that if faced with a difficult battle as she was, I would also fight as honorably as she did. I want to emulate her faith and perseverance. She rarely complained and I never saw her feeling sorry for herself. I only saw her out and about and being there for her boys, her husband, her friends, her church and her loved ones.

I don’t understand tragedy like this. It makes no sense why God would take her precious soul this early. But, I’m not supposed to understand why God does what he does. I’m here to trust Him and His unwavering love for all of his children. I am shaken to the core by this unimaginable loss. 

Many will never be the same because Kristie has left her earthy body and is now in the presence of our Savior. I believe good comes from bad things and I trust good is happening right now as I type because her passing has affected so many in our community. 

I know that I will choose to be more like Kristie. I want to smile more and be a better servant of God. I want to help others by being more loving and giving to those less fortunate. 

I want to be more selfless and not worry so much about what is going wrong in my life and focus more on the positive, the joy all around me and be grateful for everything, even this pain. We are all here for a reason friends. I want to spread love like Kristie did. I want to be strong like her and stand tall even in the face of adversity. 

This was Kristie’s last Facebook post on November 27th. Her words are soothing, powerful and reflect her love for our Lord and Savior.“So this is our 2018 family ornament. When we added it to the tree we talked about how breast cancer has changed our lives this year- in tough ways but always with blessings surrounding us. I’ve needed the reminder of that morning, after a really tough few days. What I thought was fatigue from the end of the end of chemo actually turned out to be some serious damage to my lungs. It’s good to be home from the hospital now, but I’m also facing a new reality of being on oxygen, a recovery that will be weeks, not days, and a delay in my other surgery until my lungs completely heal. Was this my plan? No. Have I seen blessing? An overwhelming Yes. The tribe of family and friends who have carried our family in love, support, and prayer just don’t quit. And I’ve seen that Christy Amaden Johnson,  Beth Williams Murff, and Laura Halford Wood rock in a medical emergency and sure know how to help a friend in need. But above all, I know without a doubt that the God who gave me this promise continues to carry us… ‘Even before I speak a word, you know all about it. You are all around me, behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power.’ His promises sustain, and that is always enough.”

God, thank you for allowing us the time you did with this precious woman. Thank you for giving her a heart of gold and a smile that brightened any gloomy day. Thank you for allowing me to have known her even a little. She was such a blessing to me by being a wonderful and faithful servant to you. Her passion and strength and her fierce love of her family was such a blessed example of an angel right here on earth. Lord this loss is too great for me to wrap my mind around. I don’t understand why you took such a gift away from us. But, I do trust you and your perfect plan for all of our lives. May her sweet family and friends have the peace that surpasses understanding of this significant loss. May we all strive to be a little better each day and honor her memory by striving to be more like Kristie Stokes until you decide to call us home as well. Always faithful, even on days like today when I just can’t stop wondering, why. Amen. 

Everyone wants to do something for the family in times like these. I’m sure they would never ask but I know there is a PayPal account set up. I donated for Russell to use the money in any way he deems fit. If you feel to the desire to help, please send to:  randkstokes@gmail.com

Thanksgiving 2018 was last Thursday and I ate waaayyyy too many calories and grams of sugar. I’ve been going to the Trim Gym 3-5 days a week consistently for most of this year. I’m down 17 pounds since the first of the year and I’m stronger than I have been in a very long time! The last couple of months I’ve had a trainer, Anna Lane, program my workouts for me. I have to be careful with my knees, low back, and neck, so working with a trainer who creates my workouts with this in mind, is fantastic!

I was at the gym today, for the first time in a few days. I don’t like to miss more than 2 days in a row, so I was excited to get back into my routine. I started with cardio on a stationary bike. I was listening to Stin Hansen from MyThoughtCoach.com in my headphones. She provides an excellent 20 min workout where she tells you when to exert energy at different perceived levels of exertion. You start at 5/10 then go up to 9/10, while increasing a level each minute. Then on the fourth and final round, you go for 9/10 and 10/10! Each interval is only for one minute and you can do anything for a minute! The best part is that as you get stronger, you go a little farther, a little faster, naturally. Your perceived level of exertion changes as your body changes. It’s the perfect 20-minute cardio workout!

So, I’m working my ass off on this bike. It’s my 3rd of four level 9s and I was next to a guy in his mid to late 40s. He was working hard too. I noticed he was on his bike for about 15 minutes when I got there and he seemed to be riding at a decent pace up a steep hill. When he was done he cleaned his bike and as he finished wiping it down he could hear I was breathing hard, as I was a really tough part of my interval training (9/10 in intensity). I stopped peddling for a second to breathe and let my burning thighs rest for about 15 seconds because if I rest longer 30 seconds then the bike’s settings reset.

As he walks by, he pats me on the back and says, “You got this. Keep going!” Awwww. Isn’t that all any of us needs sometimes? Some encouragement from a kindred spirit who also knows what it’s like to push yourself? We are all in the gym together, all people with a common goal: to take care of our bodies and move them the way they were designed to move. We all want to be a little better tomorrow than we were today.

It meant a lot to me for him to care enough to tell me, a complete stranger, to “keep going!” I want to encourage all of you to take the time to tell someone in your life that you support them. Maybe it’s just what they need to finish that project or go that step further to complete the task at hand. Be kind and encouraging to those you love and even strangers; you don’t know what they are going through and your kind and supportive words may be just what they need to hear.

Choosing faith over fear. During the last few months, I have heard this phrase several times in books and articles I’ve read and therefore it has stuck. I heard it recently while listening to Jen Sincero’s audiobook, “You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life.” 

There is a choice aspect of fear. Jen Sincero says, “It’s so simple. Fear will always be there, poised and ready to wreak havoc. But we can choose whether we are going to engage with it, or turn on the lights, drown it out, and crawl past it. Drowning it out is easy, we have just been conditioned otherwise. We have made fear a habit.” (more…)

I always have ideas of some kind floating around in my head. It’s the process of putting them on the page that takes intention and focus. It requires scheduling uninterrupted time when I’m motivated to write. It is also pushing past the vulnerable feelings as I share my thoughts with you. I’m thankful for my friend and Personal Coach, Tharwat Lovett, for reading this over before I posted. I’m blessed with loving and supportive friends to nudge me along when I need it.

I sat down last Sunday to write and I saw there was a stack of mail to open next to my home office computer’s keyboard. There was a bill, some junk mail, and a very small package with my name on it. I don’t order a lot during the year, but I do most of my holiday shopping online and LOVE IT, so I wasn’t sure what it was at first, then I remembered! I ordered this precious bracelet for myself from Cindy Sebastian at the Juice Plus Regional Conference I attended in Branson, Missouri the weekend of January 22nd. What perfect timing that I would put on a bracelet that reads, “She believed she could so she did” just as I was settling into my desk with water and coffee at arm’s length to share my heart with you.
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On Thanksgiving, while sharing a meal at my in-laws, my mother-in-law (Rosamond) mentioned her tower gardens had a lot of lettuce to harvest. I too had extra to harvest so I contacted my friend Amy who told me her church, St. Mark’s Episcopal Church, hosts a soup kitchen on Saturdays for lunch. They usually serve around 50 people each week. She was glad to receive the bounty, rinse it, chop it and serve it to the hungry in our area. The photo on the left is one of Rosamond’s three towers. This one is on her screened in porch, inside a tent to protect it from the elements of fall and winter. She has lettuce, cabbage, and different herbs growing happily this fall!

The photo on the right is of heads of lettuce she pulled out of the tower. There are many benefits of owning a tower garden, but the gift of sharing food with the hungry is my favorite!

I asked how having a salad this week was going over with the soup kitchen attendees. Amy replied, “It was very well received-thank you! I took it up there this morning and chopped it for serving. Tomatoes and dressing were added..” She then sent me this note from a volunteer, “Thanks to your neighbor for the greens—and thanks to you for bringing them. People seemed really happy to have a green salad and we had so many people that I kept tearing the leaves up to make more salad and we used it all.”

This makes my heart smile! It is a great feeling to provide garden fresh lettuce to my family, but also to those less fortunate. I encourage you to pay it forward to others this holiday season!

I am a firm believer in the fact that everything happens for reason. Everything from the people you come in contact with, the smiles you share with a stranger, the kind words you share with a friend, and the choices you make that are based on the experiences you have had. By being fearlessly authentic, we allow ourselves to be open to the good and the bad as it comes.

Every day we each make 1,000s of decisions. What to wear, what to buy, what to say when asked a question, what to eat, whether to laugh or cry? The list goes on and on.

In the past, I struggled with buyer’s remorse/decision remorse. I would second guess myself. Well, not anymore. I decided that making an educated decision about something and then going with it, is the better way for me.

Burning all that energy worrying or wondering if the decision you made was good or bad is just simply that: a waste of energy. It’s best to make a decision and go with it. I’m not saying that you can’t make a different decision down the road if more information or experiences lead you to change your mind. That’s fine.

I believe we all share this space together on Earth in order to learn and grow and my goal is to become better each day. Also, I feel my purpose is to educate, inspire and enrich the lives of those around me. I am intentional to be fearlessly authentic with those I meet and share a conversation with.

My friend and Pastor’s wife, Susan, who is one of the most down-to-earth people I have ever met in my life, told us a “secret” one day. She does not sugarcoat her challenges or the fact that life isn’t always easy. She is real and she is a truly genuine being.
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We all have a story. I’m living mine and you are living yours. With every choice we make, we are learning and growing from that experience. By continuing to “fail forward” friends, we are choosing to never give up. We are choosing to ignorethe perfectionist inside and move toward our goals.

While doing my personal growth/development, the phrase “fail forward” kept popping up in my head. I am always learning and you can’t go wrong while learning ways to become a better YOU. I recently attended an IMAGE Seminar by Bob Samara. This was a life changing event for me. He teaches us how our minds work and how to reach our goals.

“Fail forward”. To me, this means to just do something! I have used/heard tons of excuses. I start a lot of things, do them intensely and do them well, then a challenge or a plateau arises and I hesitate. The perfectionist inside begins to chime in with self-doubt. Then, negative self-talk sets in and I tend to stop doing and start thinking. I sometimes over think to the point that I stop all productive activity forward. I was once told: the only way to fail is to do nothing. Now I choose to “fail forward” friends!

The only way to truly fail is to quit. You have to do something, even if it’s small, to push yourself towards your goals (preferably every day), no matter what! By making these healthy choices daily, you create a Compound Effect and over time you reach your goals. In contrast, if you do nothing daily then over time all you have is a lot of NOTHING!

The following is a definition from the mouth of Darren Hardy, author of TheCompound Effect during an interview with Rory Vaden.

“The Compound Effect is the principle of reaping huge rewards from a series of small, smart choices. Our present reality is an outcome of the little, seemingly innocuous decisions that have added up to your current bank balance,waist line, business success, relationship status, etc.

They are not the big decisions that make the big difference. No, success is earned through the pesky little ones — do I have the cake or grab a piece of fruit?, do I go to happy hour or go to the gym?, do I make three more prospecting calls or just call it a day?, do I say I love you to my wife or shrug it off for another day?, do I listen to the news or to an instructional CD?, do I finish reading this article or check (again) for the latest new e-mail? There is no magic bullet, secret formula, or quick fix.

Success is not a result of grand acts of bravery, quantum leaps or heroic feats. Success is earned in the moment-to-moment decisions that in themselves make no visible difference whatsoever, but the accumulated compounding effect is profound. It’s the “magic” Einstein described as the ‘8th wonder of the world.’ The results it produces may look like magic, but in fact, they’re the certain outcome of a very practical, logical, and mathematically predictable process. As fantastic a result as compound interest can have on your money, so can the correct choices have on your life.”

A software programmer friend, once told me: “You know, in certain programming styles the goal is to fail fast. If something goes wrong, the idea is to admit failure early and do something different, instead of just going down the wrong path forever.”

It is time to “fail forward” friends! We all have areas of our life that we want to improve!

I have a list of things with which I plan to continue to try, fail, learn (repeat)!

, For example, meal planning consistently, eating more fresh fruits and vegetables, fewer processed foods, working to stay present in the moment, drinking half your body weight in water each day,  read 30 minutes or more of personal development books/podcasts/articles, spending time with friends/family and improve those relationships, organizing my time in the most efficient way.

Do you choose to fail forward with me?